


Dirty Mind

by freakofnature



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Gold Digger, HQ Secret Santa 2014, Kenma is very OOC and so is Kuroo, M/M, Sugar Daddy, Zari i hope u like this orz, and not caring, badly written im so v sorry, i mean so very VERY crack, me being a total nerd, what their personalities r like, when i say crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-27
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-03 21:35:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2888723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freakofnature/pseuds/freakofnature
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenma let his head slip from his hand and hoping that the pain that blossomed in the middle of his forehead when it connected with the wooden table would shut up the ginger boy in front of him, “Oh my god, Kenma are you okay.” </p><p>“No,” Kageyama answered for him, and even though Kenma was debating slamming his head against the table again, “he is moping. And you know Kenma isn’t built for moping.” </p><p>He sat up at that, a slight tilt to his lips, “You’re correct on that one, Kageyama. I am, in fact, built,” he ignored Kageyama’s muttering of ‘shut up’ because his best friend didn’t know what was good for him, “to suck cocks.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dirty Mind

**Author's Note:**

> sorry but warning that this is really eh writing, even from me, i hope to someday brush it up and turn it into a multichap thing, or just flush out the story more b/c i want to say a few more things with these characters. 
> 
> enjoy it though! happy holidays and happy new year!

Kenma sighed for the umpteenth that day, shifting his position on the couch once again. On the television a pretty blonde character was being chased into the dark and heavily wooded forest, footsteps of the killer sounding behind her.

“Wow,” Kenma sighed _again_ as the blonde was decapitated, blood showering on the ground around her body, “This is so…shitty.”

“Then turn it off, hearing these screams is not helping me study,” Kenma tore his bored eyes off the screen and stared at his roommate. His lips pursed into a thin line before the blond boy just shrugged.

“Maybe you should stop studying then?” he laughed softly and shook his head, a smile playing on his lips. Wow he was a fucking _riot_. What would Kageyama do if he wasn’t studying?

Fail his classes most likely. Kenma looked like a genius standing next to Kageyama, and that was saying something.

“Maybe you should stop being a prick and hang out with your sugar daddy, you piece of shit.” Kageyama grumbled back to him. Kenma sighed—could he possibly stop breathing if he sighed too much?—and flopped back on the couch with a frown on his pretty lips, “Oh my god, did your daddy dump you?”

“…no…” Kenma muttered into the pillow, his voice almost drowned out by the sudden sexual grunting and moaning on the television.

“Kenma…” Kageyama’s voice dropped dangerously low and the blond felt his body freeze before it jolted into action, eyes frantically scanning the area around him so he could pause—mute, end, he didn’t _care_ —the movie, “did you seriously put on a porno while I was in the room?”

“Okay first off it was _porn with a plot_ so like? No?” his eyes caught the little device and he lunged for it, but not before the girl on the screen let out a very high gasp, signaling she had reached orgasm, “Okay wow this isn’t even _good_ porn like why did I even put this on?” With a sad sigh, he paused the movie and turned off the television.

It was Kageyama’s turn to sigh, and Kenma heard the shuffling of papers being put away. He knew Kageyama had gotten up not when he heard feet padding on the soft carpet, but when a heavy weight settled across his back, “I hate you,” the words were muttered close to his ear, and Kenma squirmed, a laugh escaping his lips as Kageyama spread out on top of him, “You suck so much, I have a dumbass best friend, I hope you know that.”

Kenma just huffed into the couch pillow and wiggled his hips a bit before giving up on getting Kageyama off of him. They stayed silent for a few moments before Kageyama shifted on top of Kenma and grunted, “Shouyo wants to go clubbing tonight,”

“Okay have fun?” seriously, he could care less what Kageyama was doing with his pretty (but not as pretty as _him_ ) little ginger boyfriend

“You are coming with me.” Kenma whined at the words, starting to squirm in his way of protesting, “No moping—holy shit stop _moving_ —Kenma, seriously you need to get out of the house, I don’t want to come home and have the house smell like sex or something,”

Kenma huffed and stilled for a brief moment, “Excuse you I clean up well after a good moping sesh. When baby daddies can’t cut it, my hand does a _great_ —”

“I don’t care, please stop talking.” Kageyama luckily paired those words with getting off Kenma’s back, and the blond turned around on the couch, popping his joints as he did so, “You’re coming with me tonight, and that is final. Okay?”

“Go study before you fail this semester and I laugh at you for like….ten years,” Kenma said as his way of agreeing, “and then Shou would dump your ass _so hard_ , it would be so hilarious.”

“I hate you.”

* * *

 

“And then Lev was all like FWAH and I laughed so hard I almost peed myself and Professor looked like he was going to murder that tall freak…” Kenma let his head slip from his hand and hoping that the pain that blossomed in the middle of his forehead when it connected with the wooden table would shut up the ginger boy in front of him, “Oh my god, Kenma are you okay.”

“No,” Kageyama answered for him, and even though Kenma was debating slamming his head against the table again (seriously these two fuckers were too mushy for him to function properly, they had this _commitment_ that Kenma avoided like the plague), “he is moping. And you know Kenma isn’t built for moping.”

He sat up at that, a slight tilt to his lips, “You’re correct on that one, Kageyama. I am, in fact, built,” he ignored Kageyama’s muttering of ‘shut up’ because his best friend didn’t know what was good for him, “to suck cocks.”

“ _Kenma_ …”

“Wow! Can you teach me how to do that by the way? I don’t think Tobio really likes how I suck his dick and—wait Kenma where are you going?” Kenma saw the pretty little frown on Hinata’s full lips and paused in the ‘run away from giving Shouyo advice’ part of the night to plant a deep kiss to the ginger’s lips.

“Kenma!” he heard Kageyama snap at him, and with a roll of his eyes, Kenma pulled away and wiped his mouth, “Honestly, you are disgusting.”

“But…Kageyama,” Kenma flipped his hair dramatically, “we used to share everything when we were younger, can’t we share Shouyo too?”

At the narrowed glare in Kageyama’s eyes, Kenma was glad he didn’t stick around to see what the reply would be.

* * *

 

Sighing seemed to be Kenma’s thing today. He had nursed three strawberry martinis and still no one had come up—that was on par with Kenma’s standards—had approached him.

Was the night going to be a bust? That would suck so much, and then on top of moping about _not_ having a sugar daddy he would also be moping about the fact that he went out looking as hot as he did and didn’t pick up _anyone_ (his high standards aside, he had morals and a bar to meet, god he wasn’t going to fuck just _anyone_ ).

“Why is a pretty little thang like you doing all alone?”

 _Oh god_ , Kenma was sure that voice alone could make him cum in his pants. Fuck, oh fuck. The voice was raspy—did the owner of it smoke or something, because that was something Kenma could get up in for sure—and deep.

But, he was a seasoned gold digger; he knew how to play it cool. He was a good boy, the coy look worked for him—with his blond hair to his shoulders and his piercing golden eyes—and Kenma liked to believe he was master at the hook and reel technique.

“Depends,” he answered without looking over, opting to run a finger along the sugared rim of his martini glass before sucking it into his mouth.

“On what?” damn that voice was closer. Kenma was either could to cum in his pants (if the person was _hot_ ) or he was just going to bang his head on the table if the owner of that sexy voice happened to be some rough and tough douchenozzle.

Kenma popped his finger out of his mouth and lazily flicked his gaze over to the person talking to him, giving a coy smile, “On quite a few things,”

Or that was how it _should_ have gone. Instead it went a little more like this:

“On whether or not— _fuck_ how hot can you be?” Kenma turned his head to stare at the stranger, taking in the lazy smirk on thin lips that rested a way too handsome face with high cheekbones and slanted eyes and _fuck_ his hair looked like Kenma could tug and pull on it all he wanted, “Are you really human?” was the next thing that fell out of his mouth, which was quiet amazing considering most of the time Kenma knew _exactly_ what to say and the only thing that fell out of his mouth was semen.

The stranger laughed, a deep rumbling sound that totally did _not_ give Kenma a semi-erection. Nah, that was for rookies and Kenma was definitely not a rookie. But then again, not everyone got to see a sex god on two legs and _real_ , so he cut himself some slack, “100% human, sweetheart. Promise.”

Kenma gave a grunt of confirmation that he heard the other male, his eyes slowly raking in the rest of the too-sexy-to-be-human man standing in front of him. He was dressed in a nice button down. It was the perfect size, hugging his chest and biceps snugly but giving enough room for the perfect man to move about without the material pulling too much. His legs seemed to go on for _miles_ in a pair of rich dark washed jeans. God _damn_ —

“A picture would last you a little longer, just to let you know,” the stranger took a step forward and Kenma jerked his head up, a flush to his cheeks. How _rare_. Playing it off, he patted the seat next to him and smiled.

“Of course. I hope to take many pictures of you,” he slurred a little bit, taking a sip of his fourth martini, humming as the sweet drink slid down his throat.

Hot bed head man snorted softly and motioned for the bartender, asking for a drink before turning back to Kenma, “I hear a ‘but’ in there, beautiful. What’s the catch?”

Kenma fluttered his mascara heavy eyelashes, biting his lip with a smile, “Money of course. I’m a gold digger, it’s what I thrive on.” He laughed easily, taking a few more drinks from his alcoholic beverage before deciding to lay off it for a while so he wasn’t _too_ drunk. He wanted to remember going home with this piece of work.

The man was quite for some time, his dark eyes calmly regarding Kenma long enough that the blond shifted under the weight of his stare. The movement seemed to break the man out of his trance, and he smiled a little bit before turning and grabbing his whiskey that had been placed next to him during the staredown, “You’re rather upfront with what you are. That’s rather refreshing.”

“Lying about what my hobby—job, really—is, is rather silly, don’t you think?” Kenma let his head fall into his palm, using his other hand to swipe the sugar off the rim up his glass and suck it into his mouth, “It gets us nowhere, and leaves us _both_ frustrated.”

“That’s true…” Sexy Man laughed again and Kenma really could have just melted into a pool of sexual need right then and there, “So what are your terms?”

 _Bingo_.

* * *

 

Kenma is spread across a rather plush mattress, a pillow stuffed under his hips. His lips part in a content sigh, hands running down his front to pull at the hem of his— _Kuroo’s_ —shirt before letting his eyes slip closed.

“What are you doing?” he’s gotten used to hearing that raspy voice—Kuroo does in fact smoke and it’s so very hot—but his body still reacts a bit at the sound of it, “not going to join me in the kitchen?”

“No?” Kenma turns his head to stare at Kuroo, a yawn breaking the sultry look he was going for, “I’m tired and your bed is _so_ comfortable. I could care less what boring thing you’re doing in the kitchen.”

“Even if I brought home apple pie?” Kuroo chuckled—Kenma was 100% sure people didn’t _chuckle_ but Kuroo did so that was new—at the blond’s hopeful expression and ducks down to press a hard but chaste kiss to Kenma’s lips, “Because I did. I assume you want some?”

Kenma doesn’t remember a time when he jumped out of bed faster.

He definitely doesn’t think about how _domestic_ Kuroo is with him, because fuck, apple pie is his favorite thing in the world and nothing—not even his thirst for sucking dick—is more important than apple pie.

* * *

 

“Would you be down for fucking me on a train?” Kenma asks one night, ignoring the burn in his thighs as he drops back into Kuroo’s lap with a shaky sigh, “Just like this, _exactly_ like this—fuck right there, Kuroo _fuck_ ,” his back arches as the dick buried inside him brushes against his prostate.

Kuroo’s hands tighten their grip on his hips, aiding Kenma in his actions of rising and dropping on his cock. Their pace is slow, lazy even. It was a Sunday morning, and Kenma was still slick and loose from the night before, so when Kuroo had curled his hands around Kenma’s slim waist in the late morning light, the blond had wasted no time in straddling his waist and rolling their hips together.

“J-just like that,” Kenma moans again, fully sheathing Kuroo’s cock in his ass before rolling his hips. His lips fall open to huff out a curse, golden eyes fluttering shut as Kenma loses himself in the sensations running through his body.

Hips thrust up to push farther into his ass, and Kuroo grunts when Kenma tightens around him, “Do you want me to fuck you on the train?” he rasps, angling his hips a little better and thrusting back up, earning a low moan, “want me to sit you down on my lap and grind my dick up against you until your muffling your moans against your hand,” Kenma moans again and meets his thrusts, their pace quickly picking up, “do you want to cum in your pants and feel boneless for the rest of the day?”

“ _Yeah_ , yes, fuck Kuroo just a little more,” Kenma is squirming now, pushing his hips down in time with Kuroo’s upward thrusts, hands rising to reach behind him and tangle in Kuroo’s hair, pulling him closer against his back, “ _More_ , please—fuck yeah r-right there.”

Kuroo likes Kenma like this; all soft and pliant and _needy_. Of course he gets off on it—that’s the point—but there is something else. Kenma is usually confident, though there are times he is rather shy and a stuttering mess (something Kuroo also enjoys seeing). But times like this is something Kuroo treasures. Sure Kenma definitely has had sex with other guys—there are probably several that have seen Kenma just as Kuroo sees him—but it’s still a private moment between them.

“Kuroo!” Kenma yelps, squeaking at the end of it when Kuroo grips his hips tighter (he was going to have bruises in the shape of his fingers later). With a final thrust against the bundle of nerves inside Kenma’s ass, Kenma freezes and gasps, cock twitching as come paints his chest a soft white color. Kuroo grunts behind him and sinks his teeth into the blond’s shoulder, thrusting shallowly into Kenma as he reaches his own release.

* * *

 

“Hey Kuroo,” Kenma asks one day, dropping into Kuroo’s lap with a sinful smile and a shy look in his eyes, “I have something to ask you,”

Since Kenma had obstructed his view of the floor plans for the new office building he was overseeing for the company, Kuroo just tosses his tablet to the side of the couch and runs thumbs in the indent of Kenma’s hips, “What’s up baby?”

“I was online and…well I saw this thing,” Kenma fiddles with his fingers before looping them around Kuroo’s neck and kissing him a few times before he speaks again, “I was wondering if you would…maybe…do the ice bucket challenge?”

Kuroo narrows his eyes, thinking he heard Kenma wrong. There was no way he just—honestly, _honestly_ , “What?”

“The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge?” Kenma tilts his head and smile as he places a kiss on the underside of Kuroo’s stubbly jaw, “I know you know what it is.”

“Of course I know, I see it on social media,” Kuroo sniffs, offending that Kenma would assume he _didn’t_ know what it was, “But I can donate to the cause instead of having ice cold water poured on me, so why are you asking me about this?”

“Because I want to dump ice cold water on you, duh,” Kenma is grinning, happy and mischievious and Kuroo doesn’t like it one bit, “You can do both though. Donate _and_ let me pour water on you.”

“No.”

“I’ll suck your dick.” It’s funny how Kenma thinks that Kuroo will give in with this. So amusing.

“You’ll suck my dick no matter what, that really isn’t a prize.” Kuroo laughs a little bit at Kenma’s soft kisses against his jaw, “Now stop distracting me, I have work I need to get done.”

“Not until you agree to let me pour ice water on you and film it.” Kenma replies without missing a beat and Kuroo is honestly surprised at how adamant Kenma is about this. He forgets the blond only uses his money to pay for school and the occasional video game console. With all the sex they have, Kuroo had honestly forgotten that Kenma was _really_ smart.

Which was rather demeaning to Kenma, if Kuroo thought about it.

“Do you just want to see me half naked and cold?” he grins and he picks the blond up by the hips and shoves him off to the side, ignoring the put out whine that follows, “Because there are thousands—”

“I want you to raise awareness and you are a CEO of a company,” Kenma interrupts, his golden eyes holding a serious gleam for once, “besides I know you have money to spare. All of you big shots do.”

Kuroo ends up doing what Kenma wants (he’s pussy whipped for sure but he doesn’t mind all that much) and three days later Kenma comes bounding to him with a bright smile saying that he put the video on Vine and had gotten over 4 million loops. Kuroo didn’t understand it all that much, but the happy tears collecting in Kenma’s eyes made him give an answering smile and wrap the boy up in a chaste kiss.

* * *

 

“You sure you two aren’t dating?” Kageyama questions one day while Kenma is home, watching Disney movies in their apartment, “I mean you’re there more than you are here. And I’ve _met him_ , which is more than I can say about any of your other fathers.”

“Daddies, Kageyama. They are called daddies. Sugar daddies. Kuroo is not my ‘father’, that makes him sound old and like some creepy pedophile.” Kenma looks over to his best friend and kicks at his thighs, a frown on his face, “and no, why would I date him? I just want his money and he fucks me _really_ good. Way better than those other money hungry shits.”

“Tell me how you really feel,” Kageyama grumbles but Kenma ignores him so he can squeal over the movie, “But he takes you out for dinner—not just those fancy work functions either. Seriously—Kenma look at me.” When annoyed gold snap to his face, Kageyama wishes for another best friend—even Hinata would have been better, “He treats you right and doesn’t seem to be half bad. Maybe you should try dating him or something. You’re already exclusive, so what’s the difference.”

Kenma just sneers at him and mutters something about dating being gross and overrated and then Kuroo wouldn’t give him his money before he turns the movie up louder and ignores Kageyama for the better part of the time he’s home.

However Kenma does think about Kageyama’s words and wonders really what is so different about their relationship then Kageyama’s with Shouyo.

In the end he finds no differences. It’s a little less terrifying then he initially thought.

* * *

Three years later Kenma has all but moved into Kuroo’s penthouse. They still don’t call it dating—the word leaves a nasty taste in Kenma’s mouth—but they are exclusive and _together_ which is what really matters.

Kuroo does put Kenma through the rest of his schooling, and Kenma graduates in the top 15 of his class, earning his degree as a graphic design artist. He is automatically hired by one of Kuroo’s friends in a different firm, doing their logos and some of their slogans from time to time.

Unlike Kuroo, who has to go to the office as the new building nears completion, Kenma more often than not gets to stay home and work on the designs from his laptop, blasting music around the house and taking video game breaks more than he actually works.

He’s happy like this—he’s happy with _Kuroo_. He is a little less excited about the money then he was when they first hooked up. He has no use for it, no he doesn’t need to go to college, and he doesn’t really care about expensive things. But it’s nice for when he does want something, or when the two of them want to have a nice vacation out of the country. So Kenma doesn’t complain much about it (plus it’s nice when he finds a worthy cause and can manhandle Kuroo into dropping a few thousand to help out).

 

 


End file.
